Super Mario World: The True Story

[Zahveed]

I figure someone on this board might enjoy this, who knows. I originally wrote it on a Misc board on a Smashing Pumpkins' forum.




Chapter One: From the Window to the Wall (The One Where Mario and Luigi are faced with a Tough Decision!)


There was a knock at the front door of the Super Mario Brother’s Plumbing. Luigi lazily gets up from the recliner in front of the television to answer the door. He yawns and takes a long stretch as the knock continues impatiently. He grabs his L embroidered hat off of a small table next to the couch and puts it on. The knocking gets louder and talking is heard.

Luigi looks through the door’s peephole to see Morton Koopa and his goombas waiting on the front porch. He sighs and opens the door with the chain lock still on it.

“What do you want Morton?”
Morton sneers and one of the goombas cracks his knuckles, “Luigi. It’s so nice to see you. Is your brother around?”

“No he’s not. Is it something I can talk care of?”

“Not if you want to take a beating for him,” Morton says with a slight, deep chuckle. Morton was a little hefty, so he had to take a breather after his laugh. “My father sent me here for a little business. Either you have him here now or you can take his place.”
Luigi’s eyes open wide. “I’ll go get him.”

Morton and his goombas are sitting on the living room couch when Mario and Luigi arrive back to the room. Mario puts his M embroidered hat on.

“What is it this time Morton?”

Morton taps his fingers together like he was contemplating or considering making a deal. “My father sent me to take care of a little business. He wanted me to kill you, but maybe we can make a deal. Care to make a deal, Mario?”

“What does the Koopa Klan want that a plumbing company has?” Mario questions Morton, suspicious of his intent.

“Connections… You have connections. Wario Ware wants the Koopa Klan to take you out of business, if you know what I mean. They want all the customers to themselves; plumbing is a bigger business than it ever was since the Angry Sun Company started their merge with Cleft Waterworks. But maybe we can strike a bargain. My father, my brethren, and I are willing to negotiate.”

“… That’s a lot to take in.”

“While you’re taking it all in, listen to our offer. One of your clients, Toad, and his sisters Peach and Daisy just started a little ‘Mushroom Kingdom’ if you know what I mean; an indoor farm of psychedelic mushrooms that could support my brothers’ terrible drug problem for cheap.”

“Yea, we are well aware of Toad’s mushroom farm,” Luigi interjects.
“Let me finish. We need his address, Mario. That’s all we need. We tried looking him up ourselves, but nothing has come out of it. He has stayed out of the Koopa radar for some time now.”

“I’m not selling out my friends!”

“I’ll let you think about it, my plumber crack friend. I’ll give you three days. If we don’t have the information we need by then, you and your dip-shit brother here are going down the pipes. You catch my drift?”




Chapter Two: My Milkshake (The One Where Mario and Luigi visit Toad to Warn him and his Family about the Impending Danger!)


Ding Dong

Toad, a short and crazed little man wearing a Rastafarian cap, stands on his toes and looks out the door peephole. “Who is it?”
“It’s a me. Mario.”
“And Luigi…”
Toad steps back from the door a little irritated. His younger sister Peach, wearing a short pink skirt and a tank top, walks out of the kitchen with a cigarette in her mouth.
“Who is it now, Toad? …One of your junkie friends again? I’m not going out with that ‘shy-guy’ again. We sat a whole hour and he didn’t say a damn thing.”

Toad unlocks the door, “Nope, it’s that weird plumber guy that’s been following you around since we left Donut Plains City. You want me lie about where you’re at?”

“Only if he asks about me… I’ll be upstairs getting ready for the night at the club.”
Toad opens the door to let the brothers inside. Mario and Luigi come in with their plungers, as if they had a job to do.

“Ah, the Mario Brothers, what brings you here? I didn’t call in any problems.”
“Toad, the Koopas are after you and your mushrooms. Luigi and I came here to rescue you and your sisters. Where’s Peach and Daisy, this is very important.”

Toad shuffles around nervously, “Daisy is upstairs getting ready for some clubbing.”
“What about Peach? I wouldn’t want anything to happen to her, she is quite the princess.”
“Thank you Mario, but our Princess is in another town.”
“This is getting ridiculous Toad, you’ve been telling me that ever since I met her the first time in Donut Plains City.”

Toad chuckles nervously to pass it as a coincidence, “What do you know, huh?” Toad leads the brothers through the kitchen and out unto the back porch. Mushrooms are everywhere, supported by the humidity, black lights, and the tarp covering the porch.

“So what do you suggest we do Mario?” Toad asked, “I can’t exactly load the whole farm unto a truck. That’s not exactly inconspicuous. It’s a whole damn farm of shrooms, man!
“I see you have some new ones,” Mario points out.
“Yea, I bred a couple new ones of the past few months. This green capped one is good for cooking. It’s not exactly a shroom for getting high, but it does give you a little rejuvenation. I call it the 1-Up Shroom. It’s hard to breed though.”

“Very nice, so I can make spaghetti with it?”

“Eh, if you wanted to, I guess. This purple one is very poisonous, instant death to the touch. Just to make sure Daisy didn’t lay a finger on it I painted on a skull and tossed the brush away. And of course you have your Triple Shrooms, Golden Shrooms, Mini Shrooms, Reverse Shrooms, but you’ve seen all of those. I even have some radishes but there’s nothing special about those.”

Mario eyes several very large, red capped mushrooms. “What about those big ones?”

“Ah, yes. My magnum opus, the Super Shroom… If you eat the whole thing, you will absolutely trip your balls off. It’ll distort reality beyond comprehension!”





Chapter Three: Money In The Bank (The One Where Mario, Luigi, and Toad Eat One Too Many Mushrooms and Reality is Distorted beyond Comprehension!)


Mario, Luigi, and Toad have just finished some of the new Super Shrooms and are now exploring the vast town, ready for an adventure in their distorted reality.
Houses are giant mushrooms, people are riding of dinosaurs instead of in cars, and random green pipes stick out from the ground. Mario spots a raccoon and starts chasing it around. The other two laugh as Mario stumbles about the yard in hot pursuit.

“Mario, what are you doing?” Luigi calls to question.
“I need to get his tail! If I have his tail I can fly. I love flying. Fly, fly, fly,” Mario rambles, as he is clearly delusional at this point.
Toad grabs Mario and pulls him aside, “Raccoons don’t fly, Mario. You need the feather of bird and then you can fly.”
“How can I fly with just one feather?”
“It’s simple. All you do is find yourself a long strip of clear land for a running start and once you build enough momentum, crouch just a little bit, and then spring high into the air.”
Mario looks amazed, “Wow that is simple.”

As psychedelic as the world seemed to them, they were just wallowing around the Snifit Landfill next to sewer drainage. A few of the Snifit employees wearing black gas masks and garbed gray robes take notice of the stoned plumbers and their drug pedaling friend rolling around in the waste.
“What the hell are those guys on?” asked one of them.
“Throw a rock at them.”
One of the masked employees picks up a big, round, black rock and tosses it into the landfill where the plumbers and Toad were. The rock hits Luigi in the head and he starts freaking out.

“Cannonballs,” Luigi screamed!
Mario, Luigi, and Toad start running around in circles making bloop noises whenever they jump over something.
“Hurry, everyone into the drainage,” they run into the drainage pipes. Bloop, bloop, bloop

The Snifit guys watch, in amazement, of the stoners awesome stupidity, “Remind me to never do drugs… ever.”